“January 19th is your due date… Congratulations!”

This news was somewhat of a surprise to us, but we were excited to be expecting our 3rd child.

However, we never got to meet this blessing. On May 26th, 2013 (our second daughter’s birthday, no less), we spent the day in the hospital where we learned that the pregnancy was lost. Though very hard to see at the time, we now know it was in God’s plan.

Because of the loss of our baby, the doctors found out my wife had a painful disease called endometriosis, and they were able to do an operation to relieve some pain before it got worse.

Still, January 19th has come, and it’s hard not to wonder, “What if….?”

God has taught us to lean more on him this past year than any other. He has given us consolation with with we hope to be able to help and encourage others going through the same issues.

Following is a something I wrote down in honor of our little one. We called him/her Agape (Greek for perfect, unconditional love). But Amira, our oldest, called her little sibling Cookie. 🙂

So, to “Agape Cookie Vance” ..

Dear child,

You were ours for a moment;
So swift and so fleeting.
Now, your home is distant,
Our hearts left bleeding. 

Questions bombard, we wonder
Who you would’ve grown to be. 
Tall or short, a him or her…
We never got to see.

We never saw you walk,
Run, play, fall or cry;
Never heard you talk
Or sing pretty lullabies.

Doubts fill our minds,
What did we do wrong?
The sorrow echoes inside.
A never ending song. 

But then a voice whispers 
“Be still, my child, be still.
Your baby is in my arms,
Be still, trust me, be still. 

“I knew about this all along.
Nothing takes me by surprise.
You did nothing wrong,
Just lift up your eyes. 

“You see, I too, lost my son,
Jesus Christ, on Calvary. 
He did for the wrong you’d done
To redeem you back to me. 

“Separated for a moment,
He returned soon again. 
Reconciled those that trust him,
Saving them from their sins. 

“You, too, shall see your child,
Not there on earth, but here.
So fear not, I know it’s wild,
But have faith, you’re near.”

So I keep my eyes and focus
On him who is my rest and peace;
On the one who died for us,
His love poured out, all to see. 

He is worthy of all I can give,
He deserves all worship, all praise. 
For his name I choose to live
Telling of him all my days. 

I choose to trust his heart, his mind;
He knows much more than I. 
Sweet peace in Him I find,
We’ll all meet one day in the sky. 

So, my child, hold on!
We’ll join you as soon as we can!
You’re safe in God’s loving arms.
We know it’s part of His great plan. 

By Aaron Vance
January 19, 2014